The Answer is "Not yet"

I didn't get the house,  I did offer the asking price,  however there was a bidding war... and I refused to be apart of that.  Monday i decided i wanted that tiny home, Tuesday I went and saw it,  Wednesday I wrote up the offer, and Thursday it went to someone else. .......  I did my part, but i left the Realtors office on Thursday  in peace,  I put it in God's hands.  I knew in advance that there were several offers.  but i also knew i would not change my offer.  The cool thing,  and without getting into details, i received a phone call just before i found out that I didn't get the house,  that will make it so I can continue looking, and will be able to put more of a down payment on the next home I try for.   I am in no hurry,  I trust my realtor, and I trust that the right home for me will come along,   It's kind of exciting though,  the process itself,  and the knowledge that I am doing this on my own,  and the realization that  I CAN DO THIS.  I need a small outdoor space that is my own,  and i do not have that in apartment life.   

Last March right when COVID hit,  I ended up having a tooth ache, jaw pain.   at that time I couldn't get in to see a dentist.   eventually the sensitivity and pain would ease up,  I have lived that way for 15 months.    Last week the tooth/jaw/ear/ sinus pain on my right side, made me quite uncomfortable and this time it did not subside, and it has lasted for a week.  Today i went to the dentist,  I was quite pleased with the new practice in Indiana,   i am having difficulty opening my jaw at this point,  they were able to see that it appears to be from the farthest tooth back on the low right side, a "wisdom" tooth.  and possibly i am having an issue with a previously filled tooth  on the upper right side.    He is putting me on antibiotics for 1 week, and I go back on Tuesday to evaluate further with X-rays and hopefully it won't be as sensitive and they can be more thorough in their examination.   I am finding out that Pain and infection has an effect on my blood sugars,   and although its hitting close to 120,( the only other time it was up like that was when my brother Chris Died.)  I am learning that blood sugars are affected by stress, and pain, and infection, and lack of sleep...... It isn't all about food, and sugar and exercise and it reminds me that yes my diet is important,  yes my exercise is important,  but also my mindfulness, my Qigong, and my Praying  all are equally important..  Hopefully i can get this taken care of .  

Have a wonderful weekend

TOday...... i trust

 I am not sure how i can be happy and in pain at the same time,   although this morning the pain is a little better,  I can't tell if its from my wisdom tooth,  a previously filled tooth,  my ears or my sinuses on my Right side...   it has been hurting so bad and it radiates so i can't quite pinpoint it.  I am using ice and ibuprofen.  

Oddly enough Monday i woke up, and realized that maybe I do want my own little place to call home,  right now i  sorta have a couple places.   I take care of the elderly man,  and i have a small apartment there,  and i have a room with Katie, and that is where my address is ...   i found out that i could easily get a mortgage for a small home/  there is one i liked near my brother, a while back, it came on the market and today i will be putting in my bid,  there are a few others bidding also,  I will not get into a bidding war..  I gave my top offer,  paying asking price, closing cost, and pay for the inspection.   and then i released it to God, and asked for his will to be done........  today I am at absolute peace,   I will be relieved if  I do not get it,  And I will be happy if i do get it......  so for me it is a win win,   It's about Trust and Faith,  I have put all my trust in God,  looking back i can see when he told me NO,  these were my biggest growth spurts,  it was also during these "NO's"  that just right around the bend, just a few steps more that my Yes came.......... and it was the YES i was looking for, I just didn't know it.   I have Faith, that i will get the a place to call home,  and if not then i trust that too........ there are positives to both, owning a home and renting.   it's exciting to let go of the steering wheel, and see where life takes me.   

on the diabetes side,   eating absolutely on plan,  blood sugars are running high as Fpain can have an affect,  and when i say high,  I mean normal   112 to 118  and like i said,  oddly enough i am so happy right now,  so it is what it is. 

Trust today,  trust in yourself, and your journey....... Have faith that you are exactly where you are supposed to be at this moment,  whether you are in your "NO" or if you are in your "YES" moment. both are equally important . 

A Crazy busy week

 I noticed I haven't posted for one week.....  and looking back,  I didn't realize i was as busy as i was. but i guess it has been a good busy.   I have been trying to balance my work,  with play....... trying to get outdoors more often,  trying to take moments just for me.  I tried a few new recipes this week,  i used  stevia for one recipe, but for me it left an aftertaste, so right back to Swerve.   I am already figuring out what i will be eating this upcoming week.  My cooking, and planning has become a habit now, so honestly it isn't difficult, it just is.   BUT what i am failing on is making specific exercise carved into my weekly time,  i am always busy, and always reach my step goal.  but I am talking about taking time to hike, or bike, or walk.,  i am hoping to get in 3 days a week to start.  and i am only hoping to spend 30 minutes to 60 minutes each time............  That's not asking for much, so why can't i do it??? 

Today I cleaned my closet,  it was frustrating,  I had clothes that were too Big,  I had clothes still too Little, and I had clothes that now fit just right. (gosh i sound like the story of the 3 bears)  For the first time I took my favorite "BIG" clothes,  to a local Church site and gave them away, i had a few favorites that i didn't want to part with, but I have FAith that I will Never go back to that size again,  I have Faith that this journey is on a one way road, and i have faith and determination  that I will continue this way of life........ this isn't a diet,  or a plan........ this is living.   I packed the clothes that WILL fit me in the future in a bin.  and now my closet is neat and organized.

I am hoping this week, I will get more sleep,  I am hoping this week i can get 3 days of specific exercise in, I am hoping this week i can try to live in the space of peace, 90% of the time.   What are your week goals?   Have a blessed day, and remember to always be in the NOW!!

Fatigue...... a dangerous thing

Our old pup Izzy (13) had diarrhea for a few days....waking me up every two hours around the clock for 3 nights.  Being so tired was actually painful,  I was so tempted to cancel a camping day at Clear Creek St Park, and i was tempted to eat every sweet thing "NOT ON MY EATING PLAN"...... in the end i did neither.  Spending the day with great people, playing with young kids,  hiking up very steep hills,  climbing on rocks, (beartown rock trail up at Clear Creek State Park) and realizing i wasn't tired,  or out of breath,  I have came a long way in just 7 months.  I honestly felt fine....... I will be 54 years old next month,  and i had no ache or pain,  and i could have kept going.............  and this is why for me, failure is not an option....   because even being exhausted, and slightly grumpy today... according to my daughter,    I wouldn't go back to my unhealthy lifestyle for anything.  they had food i could eat,  hot sausage,  and later on kielbasa over the fire.   I so wanted a Reese  peanut butter cup smore, and the pasta salad....  but i did not,  i enjoyed the cheese and veggies in the salad, so it worked for me.  I forgot how much I like camping, and i forgot how much I needed to be outdoors and in nature..... i forgot how much it energizes me and helps me cope with my job, and life in general.    I will be ready for the up coming week.  today i prepared baked chicken thighs done in the air fryer, i made my keto bakes bread into hotdog buns.   and i decided to make a Keto Chocolate Mayo Cake which i must say was delicious and even helped easy my craving from the S'more I so desperately wanted yesterday. below are a few more photos from my weekend....   choose to start your week right and with a positive attitude no matter what the week holds.

 

Planning and Priority

 

The one thing that has changed for me more than anything

is my Priority in planning.  I am so busy,  but still manage to stay in a peaceful energy........ most of the time!!! 

My morning yesterday ....... getting up at 445 am.  make my bed, take Izzy out  for her morning walk...   she's 13 now,  and takes extra care,  start the coffee ,   check on my "roommate " (i am also his personal nurse)  He will be 81 Saturday.  He has NOT been doing well for the past 6 months,  Covid and isolation has taken its toll on him mentally and physically,  and it is just a blessing that he is alive and i am always thankful for that.  I get his medicine, and then we have coffee and chat for 30 minutes,   we've been doing that for 7+ years,  right now both of his legs are really bad,  so i wash them (using pine tar soap)  then i use a special lotion and frankincense.....   dress the wounds and put on compression socks.  feed izzy her breakfast.  and then i start preparing my lunch...... if it is a long day i have to prepare two meals..  yesterday morning I made a portabella mushroom  stuffed with onions, sweet red peppers, green olives, and pepperoni chunks, drizzled with olive oil, roasted,  then cheese added and garlic powder and roasted again,  i also had made a side of fresh marina last night to use to pour on and eat like a pizza..  I make my own sauce because i use San Marzano tomatoes and i do not add sugar..  ( most jars of sauce have hidden sugar.  )  also the night before i made a tiramisu mousse, of course sugar free keto, so i got that ready,   and THEN it was time to get myself ready for work.....    that was all done before 7:30 in the morning.    I do this every morning on work days.  it would be easier to just "order out " lunch at the office,  or eat what someone may bring for the office for lunch at times.   But it just isn't an option anymore.   I am already in my mind, planning what i will be eating tomorrow.   a lot of people rely on me,  after all I am a psychiatric and addictions nurse,  i love old people and have a few of them in my life, and i love young souls...... and still babysit at age 53 .........  but i have learned better late than never...... That i must make myself a Priority............ and that includes how and what i eat,  it includes scheduled times for just me and God and in includes time exercising  in the great outdoors.   it also means i am in bed before 830  and up usually before 5 am........ it is working  :)     please choose to have a wonderful day today...... and plan on making you a priority........  

Sometimes....... it's not a good day, and that is Okay!!

 I am tired today,  I was busy this morning, started early before 6 am,  washed two loads of laundry, went to the store, made keto pizza crust for Katie, made Keto big mac casserole for the week,  and all of this before noon.   had plans to go biking on Ghost Town Trail, but changed my mind and ended up napping for 30 minutes.  and then remembered that I had work to do for the office before tomorrow..... so worked on that.   Didn't even feel like going over to Katie's house,  I always go over to Katies. 

I am not dancing to music today..... not particularly happy and full of energy,  not really sad either.  I just sorta "am".   and you know what?  That is okay....... sometimes we are our own worst enemy, too hard on ourselves, feel guilt when I nap instead of doing something productive.  On days like this i used to also eat....... order out pizza and cheesecake and get ice cream........  after all i deserve a "free day" .  That is not the case anymore... and actually my eating was spot on perfect today.  and i am not hungry or craving anything,  not even sure what i am going to eat for my second meal.   (i eat two meals a day, my breaking fast meal was at 10am.. i had the big mac Casserole with lettuce and keto "mac sauce"   and some mousse and raspberries.   at 230 i enjoyed one oz of nuts.  Dinner should be at 5 and i am just not hungry.  I have until 6 pm to eat.   I may just put on my shoes and take a brisk walk, maybe that would produce an appetite.

I feel it is just as important to document bad days, sad days, not good eating days,  after all this is Life, and we all have those days.    but something that does not change for me,  is the peace i feel........  that can't be taken from me, and even on a day like today.... when i feel blah....... I still have this peace in my heart.. and for that i am grateful 

*****update, later this evening....... well,.... so my not so good day ended up on a wonderful note. I DID go for my walk, the wind picked up which i love,  i love the wind, and then it started to rain a pretty strong cold rain.....  it felt like the "blah" feeling was washed away.......  now a hot soaking bath, and get ready for my week........ 

Biking for the first time..... weighing 70llbs less

I knew when i woke up this  morning and started dancing to the music that i was feeling absolutely fine.  I couldn't wait to get on my bike for the first time this year,  the first time weighing 70lbs less... honestly it surprised me how much easier it was to ride.  I was out on the trail before 830 this morning,  it was chilly and rainy..... and  foggy.... my perfect morning.  I saw no other bikers, and two people walking.

This diabetic thing was so much easier when i just focused on the eating portion,  this exercise and meditation stuff has me being overwhelmed sometimes... i have to remember that it is a life long journey, there is no finish line.  and good health is the prize.

I work at a psychiatrist office that also handles addictions issues.  people are really suffering right now, it seems like nobody can heal themselves.  the depression and anxiety levels are through the roof,   addictions and overdoses,  alcholism......... everything seems to be magnified.  it is heart breaking to hear this all day long.   So it is so important that i keep my Energy level up there,  my spiritual life protected, and my Health as best as it can be.   So when i got that tummy thing,  I stopped what i was doing, even the second day i worked from home and rested. ..   and i was thrilled this morning that i have so much energy..... 6 months ago a virus like that would have knocked me on my Ass for 4 days..   I cannot help others if i cannot take care of myself...  I like this journey that Diabetes introduced me to.........is it wrong to consider my Diabetes diagnosis my friend???  somehow i think it saved me :)    have a blessed day....... and take care of You......so you can care for others  

 

First illness since i began my Diabetic Journey

Midday at work,  i started to not feel so well,  I am not used to not feeling well anymore.   NO fever,  but stomach upset and diarrhea.,  made it home at 5pm and went straight to bed,  other than the many bathroom trips, i pretty much stayed in bed,  things finally settled down at 3am,   Today although I am no longer making bathroom trips,  I feel incredibly weak.  decided to work from home, which thankfully i have the best "bosses" and i have so much flexibility.

People tend to think, including me.  that High Blood sugar numbers are directly a result of what you eat and do not eat.  NOT true..    it goes back to body mind and spirit.   you need to work with all three to truly experience optimum health.   for instance,  i actually ate nothing.  drank tea and water.  and a normal fasting for me is 90/100  but because my body is fighting something,  my FBS today was 120.   the only other time it went that high, which is not high was when my Brother Chris died.   both times it went up was stress related.   

Tuesday Katie and I took the dogs for a very nice walk on the hoodlebug trail..... it surprises me how healthy i am becoming and how not out of breath i am , and how i love the hills more than the flat areas.  i also noticed this particular hill right off of the trail,  which normally  i have always stopped midway up just to catch my breath.  this time I did not!!!!  I am one of  those people that need to be outdoors, need to experience nature to truly be at peace,

This world is a beautiful place if you just take a moment to focus on the positive around you

peace be with you

Sandi

Three Bites!!!!

 Easter was a wonderful time.   My decision on how i was going to eat was not an all or nothing.  I ended up having 3 bites of a Gob ( a little chocolate cake with cream filling).  afterwards , I sat there and looked at the remaining Gob sitting on the table, enticing me to just finish the entire cake.  but i walked away, I didn't need it.....  of course i am having fun with my glucometer,  so after two hours i checked my glucose level......  119  it's never over 120 even after a meal.   The best part of the day was seeing Anne,  she is doing well, and my brother Chris has to be proud of her.

In the past, i couldn't have a cheat meal, or cheat day or cheat dessert.  because it would just cause me to let loose and i couldn't stop eating the wrong foods afterwards.  NOW i do not call it a cheat meal, or falling off the wagon....  it is called Living!

honestly, the Gob was too sweet,  i am not used to eating sugar now, and i have lost the taste.   However i do love my new favorite,  Keto Mascarpone Chocolate Cheesecake mousse:

4 oz cream cheese softened

8 oz of mascarpone cheese

1/4 cup of cocoa powder

1/3 to 1/2 cup of Swerve powder sugar

heavy cream (enough for texture of your choice (1/4 cup to 1/2 cup)

expresso powder, 

use a hand mixer and mix the cheeses, cocoa powder, and expresso powder (opt) until combined add the heavy cream as you mix until the creamy texture you prefer.

and lily sugar free chocolate chips and some berries.......  it truly is amazing,  I have some of my non keto friends and family try it......and they said they can't tell that it is sugar free and keto 

Today is my day off, Katie and I may go biking........it will be my first day out on the trail with my bike,   i am 70 lbs lighter than last year at this time,   I wonder if it will make a difference...... i'll let you know tomorrow.   

Make today what you want,  it is your choice to be Happy......... choose accordingly 

Sandi

Feeding my Soul!!!

 The first 6 months i focused so much on my diabetes, eating right, keto diets, low carb, organic and healthy,  NOW it is time to focus on my Qigong and Outdoor hikes and bike rides.  I went to visit my old little mountain at Conemaugh Dam yesterday....... it was only 21 degrees and oh so windy,  but it felt so amazing.  

looking back on previous diets and plans during the past 40 years  I realized i tried to change too much too fast and would always "burn" out.  This time, although I was told to start an exercise program as well as a diet,  I first decided to get my Diabetes in control. now understand, I immediately started to move more, walk further,  and "dance" when i cleaned the apartment.  i would have my "20" minute leisurely walks with the dog.   During this time,  I ate exactly as i should, stopping all sugar, all breads, all pasta....... all carbs minus some fruits I ate 0 processed foods,  and 0 sugar free processed foods.  after a month i would only eat a keto treat if i made it and i only use Swerve sweetener, as it has no effect on my glucose  nor my insulin. and it didn't give me stomach issues either.  Now there is no excuse as to why i cannot focus on scheduled exercise time........ esp hiking and biking outdoors.... so we shall see if i have as much success.

Tomorrow is Easter,  I am going to my brothers house,  I still haven't decided if i am going to stay strict Keto low carb....... or if i will allow myself one plate.   i remember at Thanksgiving i allowed myself one plate.... the treat was 1/2 cup of stuffing,  AT  Christmas my treat was ONE cookie.  I guess i will let you know later what i have chosen.   My Blood sugar level was not affected.   I even checked it 2 hours and then 3 hours after the meal and it never went above 130... 

May everyone be at Peace this weekend.....   love and blessings,

Sandi

Diabetes is not a life sentence

 August 25, 2020 I walked into a CVS minute clinic to treat a slight UTI and walked out with my life forever changed..... I walked out a diabetic,  long story shortened, many Doctor appointments, lab work, and medications ordered.....   I was now a "diabetic" on 2000 mg of Metformin,    I didn't know it at that very moment,  But that diagnosis was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.   I remember being very scared,  I had no energy my weight was creeping up to a number that i can't just admit yet,  I was 53 years old,  My Dad died at age 52, my Mom died at age 58,  was i  heading down that road,  I remembered a few years back my Brother Chris had a 6 artery bypass that saved his life from a massive heart attack,  I remember asking him, about his cholesterol levels,  etc as to why his heart was damaged..... I remembered him telling me........ It was his years of diabetes (at times uncontrolled) that ultimately damaged his heart.  with the bypass, and the weight loss and his immediate control of diabetes and his exercise.   Chris' years post heart attack had been active and wonderful. . . . so back to my diagnosis,  I spent a week absolutely depressed, sad, sick and scared... and i mourned the life that I had,  and then I got back up and looked at diabetes as a part of me, I could not change my diagnosis,  so i would become friends with it.  back to that day in August,  I left the CVS minute clinic went home and threw away every carb, every sweet, every processed food............and I never looked back.......   Being diagnosed with Diabetes was the "best" thing that has ever happened to me, it forced me to look at me, and not make excuses anymore,  about the hockenberry  size  *yes we are big people ,  about how the cookie won't hurt me.   and how i just have to have that pasta.  i was so excited to start this journey,  a journey that i have never taken before.  about one month after my diagnosis........ My brother Chris died from his heart just stopping.  He did everything right the past 3 years......but diabetes still had his heart in the end,  just too much damage, the 6 artery bypass gave him a few years.   I miss him so much,  but it is because of him and his journey , that I will not let his death be in vain,  and i vowed that i would not let diabetes control my destiny.,    Chris and I shared a joke about Pelicans,  and now i love them so much so i had a pelican tattoo put on my left forearm  to remind me of my promise to beat diabetes.  actually the Spirit meaning for the Pelican is pretty cool...... "The pelican spirit animal comes into your life to empower you with determination. People with this spirit totem have a determination that can move mountains."    how can i not be excited about that!!!   and that is how i came about the name of my blog  the diabetic pelican,   at my 3 month post check up, i was taken off of my medications,  which i asked if he could still take a smaller dose, my A1C was 5.7 and i had dropped maybe 40 lbs.  My 6 month check up was very recent, and my A1C was still 5.6  i dropped a total of 68 lbs. and feel amazing.   

I am starting this blog, or at least giving it a try, to honor my brother Chris, and i have had several personal messages asking me about my diet, recipes ect.  so i though this may be a place for that , and a place to be honest and accountable. i eat a variation of a low carb keto diet, and i do intermittent fasting, i eat for 8 hours and fast for 16 hours.....  i have not even thought about going off of it or falling off the wagon so to speak,  and now it is time to up my physical activity part.  I would like to drop about 60 more pounds, although frankly the weight doesn't matter it is how i feel that matters, and i feel freakin good.  And Chris i just know he is proud of me.  and i won't let him down.   So here it goes.   God Bless You all.