Calm

 yesterday my post was very frustrating,  and I was angry when I posted it,  just angry at how cruel humanity can be...  sometimes I am overwhelmed how many seem to be handling their stress.... or I should say not handling it. 

and I stand by everything I posted,  but just maybe with not so many "swear words"  LOL   i used to not swear at all,  and then menopause hit....true story !!!   I am just an advocate for the weak...... it is a part of my job and a part of who I am,   and here is my lesson in my anger.......   Sometimes people react the way they do based on fear.   fear of the addict, fear of the homeless,  fear in regards to their own lives.   Lets be honest,  the meanest bullies I knew, were the most scared and broken.     

Make no mistake,  many years ago,  I was so judgmental,  the holier than thou type of judgmental.   I was that good person that went to Church all the time,  didn't smoke, didn't drink  didn't "swear" and would frown on those that did.   the gossip that i participated in and sometimes started....... after all, it made me look so good......... I get it,  and  I cringe when I think about those years.  and it was by Grace only, and it was about finding out the true meaning of Grace,   I wouldn't change my age for anything because with this Age, comes Peace and Wisdom that passes all understanding.   And the Love that fills me, well there aren't words for it.  But I know this,  I am changing for the better and I am overwhelmed by it.  

I must remember me hating others for hating others....... does not make sense, and must not be tolerated.   I will keep learning this lesson until I leave this earth....... but every morning when  I wake up,  I will ask for Grace, and try again........   Please be Kind to others.....  

Seriously....... if you are going to give..... just give without stipulation

 I would like to blog today about Rainbows and Flower scented crap,   but that "ain't going to happen"   two things have happened to me,  one I was told not to give that money to Him,  that homeless man because he will use it for Alcohol  and another thing that I witnessed was on facebook, someone was asking donation of used toys and such not wanted anymore, for her three young children. people actually condemned her and made her feel like shit.  I guess she was actually selling some of her stuff on other sites.,  and people answered with speculation that she was up to no good,  (maybe she was,  I don't care).   Who in the hell do we think we are? so superior that when we give to another heart.   we dictate what happens and what that person does with what we give them.  lets make sure they know they are "below" us, and just dirt in this world!!!!   People STOP!!!   When I give something...... it leaves my hands with a prayer of Grace for whomever receives it.   and there is where it ends on my part.   as I trust that God will somehow make that a blessing.   I have given money to a homeless person before,  and I have said,  this is yours to do with what you feel you need to do. and maybe he will need to get a bottle of whiskey to get through the night,  maybe this will be his last night on this earth, maybe i was the last soul to see him.   Maybe he will go and buy food,  maybe drugs........  I don't know, and again I don't care.  

I say this over and over again,  Please be kind to one another,  My heart breaks for humanity right now.  this weekend  I had a beautiful soul, decided to try and take her life,  she with a mental illness and addictions. so beautiful but feeling so empty and alone,  I could feel her pain,    here i am States away, calling Police to get to her and crying and praying for Grace......  all i was told is they Got her, and she is in a hospital and she is alive..    there are so many people in her state of mind right now.... it just really hits home.  and in my line of work, obviously i am seeing the worst....... but  trust me, these souls are at your work, in the store in the line with you.  they are in your schools, and churches and social clubs..they are IN YOUR Family.   you may not know, because they are good at pretending and we are good at not seeing anyhow.......   so this is why we need to be kind to one another, without stipulation or judgement........ Kindness with Love and Grace   I am asking those that are pretty strong and grounded right now....... to help hold up the weak and scared .  Hold them up in prayer and energy.  we need each other!!!!

Three months..... just remembered now

So i am sitting at home, and realized I haven't blogged lately,  I have had very busy weekends lately.  and today I finally get to chill.  and as I started to blog, I noticed the date and it hit me.   It has been 3 months to this day when Old Bill left.  the beauty of this is,   I am not "stuck" on the date.  I am grieving at times, but I am loving and enjoying every aspect of my life.   It actually felt good that I have not "focused" on the time, second and moment he died.   There have been a couple times these past few months when I missed my old buddy so much,   but most of the time I can think about him, and talk about him with a smile.  I absolutely adore his kids and am so blessed to have them in my life.   Time seems to move so quickly, it also seems like yesterday my two co workers left to have babies.... and now they are starting back to work again..... seriously there were times i wondered how I would survive, at the office, and without Old Bill.......But  I did,  I did one day at a time, I did by Grace, and I did with Faith!  and I am blessed beyond belief.   What I am trying to get used to is working full time hours, I joke about being too old for this :) ,Mondays and Tuesday's are my long days. anywhere from 22 to 24 hours in those two days alone,  and Weds and Thursday 16 to 20 hours ...   I am dealing with very scared, very ill people, and I know this world is a scary place...  I try to keep myself grounded so I can do the job that i am destined to do....  but it isn't easy.  The BOX TURTLE, (my tiny camper) has been winterized  and I am already looking forward to the time next year when i can take her out again.  I won't stop hiking,  cold weather and snow doesn't bother me. I just need to be outside,  I guess they say I  cannot Kayak in the winter either,   I'll figure something out. So as you see,  I am living a pretty normal life without much drama. and I am okay with that.  I do know I still love my home now, and couldn't imagine living anywhere but here.  Please have a blessed week, and be Kind to one another,   living On day at a Time.