I have started a few post, but never felt like posting, so i deleted them. and I think today I want to talk about my true heros, my office, my coworkers the other 1/2 of my life.
It has been a bad week for may of our patients. The severe anxiety, the panic, the deep depression the feeling of such profound loneliness and hopelessness. Talking to them yesterday, I could literally feel their pain deep within my own soul. and after my fourth "phone call" yesterday... i took a moment to just cry. I am not ashamed of crying, and some professionals would tell me not to get so connected, or attached. I have been doing this for 27 years, and the day i do not feel connected is the day I am going to retire. This isn't my job this is my life's calling, my life's work. And i remember sitting at my desk in amazement yesterday, that I have the honor of being in these beautiful human beings lives at their darkest moments... WOW.
My patients are my true hero's, not movie stars, or actors, or professional sport players BUT the Patients that I come in contact with, those people that are fighting addiction of drugs and alcohol and winning. yes they are winning even when they fall or relapse, because they get back up again and continue on in treatment. The severely depressed patient, that fights to get out of bed in the morning and fights just to live. but they fight none the less. The patient that is so anxious they can't get to sleep, they can't stop their brain from running a sprint in their minds, can't slow their heart beat to a comfortable rhythm ... but they wake up ever day and try again. I have a pt in mind that i see next week, he will come in for his appointment, he will sit in that chair, with this incredible smile.........and he will tell me exactly how many days he has been sober........ he will be up to like 160 days. He is my hero, and I am so proud of him and he makes my heart smile.
So many of us including me at one time used to want to "fix" them, but we cannot fix anybody, The only person that can fix someone is themselves. and they do not need to hear, just stop it, just go to bed and go to sleep, or just wake up and get out of bed. Just don't take that drink, or that pill, or that hit...( damn if it was that easy ) What that patient needs is someone to jump in that dark lake with them, just to hold them and let them know they are worth saving themselves, no judgement but understanding. no criticism but love. not to discourage but encourage. and finally not to reject who they are but to accept who they are.
And finally to the two really grumpy pharmacist that i spoke to this week, that made it sound like my patients were a piece of trash because they are on controlled substances, and call you in a panic. Just remember Sirs' " THERE, BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD, GO I"
This chair in this room is for anyone that wants to sit there for a moment, I will gladly share the light and energy God has given me in conversation or in silence, patient or coworker, it is always my pleasure and honor.
PLease be kind to one another, we all have the ability to share energy of peace, Blessings
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