Empowered

 Yesterday a dear friend asked me how do I go home now that I am alone,  both her and I have never really experienced this before.   It is really hard to answer how I feel,  she wanted to know what I do to pass the time.  I've only been in my place for a couple of weeks.  and I am still adjusting.  At first I wanted to tell her to stay busy.... fill the time with any activity you can think of.  this is partially true...... but not quite!!!   I remember last weekend I really really missed Old Bill, and I did a lot of crying,  talking with his daughter really helped me,  going to Katie's and hanging with the pups really helped too. But when it was said and done I came to an empty house,  before two months ago,  I always came home to a sweet old man, my best friend, a cup of tea, and a chat about the day at his old table,  this was never missed.  and the same thing with my mornings...... a cup of coffee at the old table talking about my plans for the day, and snippets of  wisdom from Old Bill.   When i brought this up to my Sister in Law Anne the other day, saying how "odd it is to be alone"  I was expecting her to tell me how hard it is.......after all Her and My brother were truly best friends,  and they had been together for years.. so i can't even imagine the void of being alone in the house they shared,    I really feel Anne's one word started my directional change in attitude,   she told me it was "EMPOWERING".    

I mauled that one word around for a day or two, and you know what??  she is right.  I feel empowered.  This past weekend,   I didn't cry once,  I went Kayaking,   I watched a really good movie,  I went over to Katies to wash my laundry.   But there were times  I came home,  just to sit,  just to reflect, Just to be with me.   I decided  I didn't have to runaway from being "alone"  I had to embrace it,  it is what it is.  IT is my NOW!   It is 100% our choice to change the attitude to a positive one........ and I choose to embrace being alone,  after all I am not alone, I am never alone!!!  and I have incredible family, friends, and my coworkers are in a beautiful class by themselves.  

My apartment has became my very own sanctuary,  when i walk in here, there is an incredible energy of peace, safety and comfort.  I always look forward to coming home,   its like the softest blanket covering my soul.   And my favorite time of the day is 5 am,  I wake up, not bothering anyone,  put on my favorite music, sit in old Bills chair,  drink coffee out of my favorite mug.... and I write in my journal, I write letters to God,  ( at this point i don't share them, they are just between He and I.)  there is so much comfort  doing this.  and when  I step out of my home, and turn the key to lock the door....... and walk to my car......  I feel peace, I feel blessed............. and I feel Empowered !!!    Choose to have a blessed and empowered day today,  choose to be kind to one another, choose Love