Peaks and Valley of Joy and Grief

Sometimes it feels like Time is standing still,  and sometimes it feels like it is moving warp speed.  NOT sure if i want either!  Old Bill got sick in July, and it will soon be October.  I think about my brother Chris, that just in a week it will be one year,   I think about  Anne, and my sister Andrea who lost her husband shortly after my brother died.  And i wonder how do they do it, how do they go on.   But we are resilient as human beings. and for the most part we go on.  I didn't lose a spouse, or a child.... gosh, I couldn't even imagine.  But I did lose my best friend.  I am so happy with my "NOW", and i am finding Joy having my own little space is comforting.  oh it's scary too, and the first night here I was very sad and missing my old friend.  But somehow, I knew this was home to me the second i walked past it.  You see long story..... this place I didn't even know about,  I had my heart set on another place,  ..  and when i didn't get the one I thought i wanted,  i was heartbroken for one minute... and then i just said "okay God you have another place for me,  I'll trust you!"   My daughter drove past this apartment complex, (they don't advertise like the other apartments do).   I called the next morning.  and went to check it out two hours later.   she showed me the three apartments that were available.  I liked them.... as we were walking back to the office.. i walked past this apartment...... and just felt an incredible sense of peace,  I said to the lady....  I want this one.   she just looked at me and said the gentleman JUST MOVED OUT YESTERDAY!   and it would not be ready for a while as it will be getting new carpet and flooring and paint etc.  I said that was okay I could wait, but that  I wanted this one........ we went to the office,  signed the contract,  I paid the first month rent to hold the apartment and then i waited.     IT is perfect,  and i am glad i listened to my gut.      I was thinking that with Grief there is Joy, and i could tell you story after story of moments of Joy.....  I guess this is just life though and  I wouldn't want to change it.   and  I will continue to Love with all of my heart, knowing with such Love comes pain....... but Loving my life is so worth it.      I usually end with be Kind to others,  but today I want to end with be Kind to yourself,  Love you first...... and then loving others is so much easier.......Have a blessed day