It has been a crazy surreal almost two months, and again my life has taken a totally sudden and immediate different direction. Yes of course i still miss my buddy Old Bill, and i think about him everyday. yes i will sometimes cry, BUT i find myself being "me", laughing and joking. and feeling this sense of overwhelming peace and calm. I feel excitement about where I am going, oh i don't know where i am going, but i am sure it is going to be amazing. as i mentioned before, Two weeks ago, the most amazing beautiful miracle took place, that has absolutely changed the course of my life.. you would think the power of God that I witnessed may have made me more Pious and more cocky in self righteous bull sh*t..... But it did the opposite, and i have crashed down on my knees, and have been so humbled, I see the humanity in you, and i see the fragile human being that I am... and sometimes I need to catch my breath, and remember to breath deeply with the knowledge that there is indeed a higher power. Two weeks ago there were four "strangers" whom i never met, and whom i "hated" and in literally a minute, they became 4 souls whom i somehow knew that I loved with all my heart for almost forever..... and I know I will always love them.... I know this is a pretty "deep" post, I don't understand it either, I just now accept it, and sometimes i don't need to know why, or how......but that it just IS!
I can't pick and choose who i love or who I hate,... or can I? its funny how i can justify why I hate someone, (we all do it, so if you say i hate no-one...... then you're lying), Hatred is a toxic thing to the heart and to the soul, it eats away at your joy and peace. Hatred is a parasite, it can't feed itself, it has to eat off of you, when you hate it consumes your thoughts, and your happiness. You know what I am talking about, we have all been there.
it isn't easy, and every morning I start all over again, I remember a saying from the Anne of Green Gables series that i watched 30 plus years ago. (damn i am getting old) that when you wake up tomorrow, your day starts with No mistakes in it.......... yet!!!!. So here I am this morning, no mistakes yet........ and I ask God to help me protect my peace, and help me to love what i deem unlovable.
Peace be with you, and be kind to one another
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