Mornings, Me and Katie and the chapter closed!!

until my Apartment is ready, I am staying at Katie's.  this morning i am sitting here in the quiet,  it is early in the morning, I have my favorite mug sipping my coffee and I am thinking about where I have been and where I am going.   I sit here and I feel peaceful and I feel blessed and I know that grief is a part of me, a part of all of us, but it doesn't define me.  and i find joy in a cup of coffee, my blue bird mug in Katie's beautiful home.   

I am pretty sure Katie does not read my blog, she thinks I am "goofy"  LOL and I am okay with that.  This month and 8 days have been some of the hardest days i have ever experienced.  which includes when Bill got ill and ended up in ICU to his death and the week that followed.   Katie was my rock the entire time.  and I started seeing Katie in a different light.   I have been living with Katie since a week before Bill died,  I just couldn't go back to the apartment to sleep.  I have a room at Katie's, and she is doing everything in her power to make me happy.  She has come home from a long day of  work a couple hours before  I came home and that girl would make a dinner so i would have a meal to pack for my lunch the next day.   Every available minute of her days and weekends she worked like a mad dog trying to get the apartment cleaned out so i would not have to keep going back there... she knew how much it was hurting me, and i would come back sad every time.

Today the Apartment is empty,  today the keys have been turned in. Today i  walked through the apartment one last time,  the tears flowing down my face remembering Bill in his chair at the table, remembering Bill at his stove, always cooking something,  and remembering Bill and the stories he told, and the wisdom he shared, and the love he gave to everyone that crossed his path.   And i turned the key and walked away, went out to my car and just sat there and cried.   And my story continues, the book isn't over, just that chapter.........  Today I start writing my next chapter  and my heart continues to beat, and I continue to love and i am excited about what has changed in me and others.  Today i am surrounded by Grace and today, the first day since July19th I am going to rest.   I am going to rest!!!