Letting Go and the peace that comes with it

The past few days have been such a process to say the least. I want to begin with first off, and i need no explanation to anyone,  and the person that left me a message, i think not so nice but i only read one sentence and deleted it.   I have blogged for maybe 20 years.  and in my blogs i am just me,  and I get angry, i get mean at times,  but writing in this blog is how i process.  I have a few people that have followed me forever.  I don't get tons of view at all, nor do I care. I lost my best old friend a week ago,  and I feel because how i found him several years ago,  I have been more connected to him and protective of him. and it hurts me,  BUT because of God's beautiful Grace,  I have faith that i will come through and I will be at peace.  The beauty of me at this age,  you do not have to like me,  heck sometimes I don't have to like me either....   at the end of the day.  It is my faith and relationship with God that matters....... and believe me,  he tells me how it is many times,   he  will say to me,   "now you are angry you said that passive aggressively to make them look bad, and you look good,,,, Yeah he does tell me that,  I am human, and i hate, and i want to inflict pain on those that hurt me.   Every day that I wake up, it is a new day, and my goal is to be Kind to my enemies and see life from their perspective.   NOT an easy feat at all.

I want to share something that happened yesterday in general terms,  I am pretty sure Bills kids don't read this blog, but regardless.... In respect to them and to Old Bill.....   i will generalize this,   I spoke with one of his children yesterday........ AND WITHOUT A DOUBT,  those kids all love their dad so so much...... I could feel the love and the pain.  and it killed me........ such beautiful souls, such beautiful souls..... God allowed me to drop my selfish angry view...... and feel the hearts of all of Bills children.  and I know that Bill has crossed over and is at peace, and He loves his kids so so much    the only people that truly know the past and the pain that Bill experienced and Bills kids experience are them.  there was alot of trauma in Bill's childhood,  as maybe with his kids.....   

I was asking for just a tablespoon of Ashes to do Bills last wish,  but suddenly the dark cloud was lifted, and i imagined Bill standing there, with this beautiful face, beautiful smile and he said to me "seriously Sandi, you're putting your energy into a Tbs of Dirt".    and suddenly I knew,  Bill loves his beautiful children so much, he has been released from his earthly pain,  and he wants nothing more than his children to find peace while on Earth.   he wants his Ashes to go where the kids are taking them,  He wants to symbolically be with them,  while they mourn his Life, His Past, and His Death...  I KNOW this is what Bill wants....   and with Letting Go,  there comes Peace!!!